i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
