I have demons in me.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
