i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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