You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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