So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
