saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
