Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
