Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
