I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
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