I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
