We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
