apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
