haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
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she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
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Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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