all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
