So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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