Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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