the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
