Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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