1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
