nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
