do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
