Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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