sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
