Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
