Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
