ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
