the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
