Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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