Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
