Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My feet surprised me
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
