so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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