forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
