I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
