I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just cropdusted the office
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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