Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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