Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
