I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You may now shotgun with the bride
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
