we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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