god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I need to stop coming to work sober
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
