You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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