i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We have started to decorate penises.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
