dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
