This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
