mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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