We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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