Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
