so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
