The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
