It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
