we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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