he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
