There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
MIDGETS
????
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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