The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
