She's JV to your varsity
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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