Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
