dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
