You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
