thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
