Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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