I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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