3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
