dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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