I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
